


"I'm counting on you"

by KitKatsandRainbows



Series: It's Okay Not to be Okay: STZ Coping Mechanism Series [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Broken Promises, Captain Goshiki Tsutomu, College Student Kawanishi Taichi, Established Relationship, Goshiki Tried, Goshiki Tsutomu Deserves the World, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Med Student Shirabu Kenjiro, Musician Semi Eita, Over- Apologizing, Overthinking, Post-Timeskip Careers, Pro Volleyball Player Oohira Reon, Pro Volleyball Player Ushijima Wakatoshi, Pro Volleyball Player Yamagata Hayato, Shiratorizawa, Spoilers, The relationship isn't the main focus, pro volleyball player goshiki tsutomu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28442427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKatsandRainbows/pseuds/KitKatsandRainbows
Summary: He had always loved volleyball. So why does it feel as if this volleyball was ruining his life right now?The ball falls to the court in front of him. His team is surprised the captain even went for it. The wipe was deemed impossible to recover, even by Kai, their libero. Goshiki pounded a fist against the floor as the ‘tweet’ of the referee’s whistle signaled the lost point. And the cheer from the other side of the court officially ended the set. Then the pat on his back to signal the official loss. The score of the final set is 34-36.'I’m sorry'.  He thinks to his seniors.Alternatively: Goshiki fails to bring Shiratorizawa VBC to nationals in his 3rd year, he doesn’t take it too well.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu & Akakura Kai, Goshiki Tsutomu & Kawanishi Taichi, Goshiki Tsutomu & Oohira Reon, Goshiki Tsutomu & Sague Yusho, Goshiki Tsutomu & Shibata Yu, Goshiki Tsutomu & Shirabu Kenjirou, Goshiki Tsutomu & Shiratorizawa Academy Volleyball Club, Goshiki Tsutomu & Tendou Satori, Goshiki Tsutomu & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Goshiki Tsutomu & Yamagata Hayato, Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou
Series: It's Okay Not to be Okay: STZ Coping Mechanism Series [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074653
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	"I'm counting on you"

**Author's Note:**

> God I spent 20 minutes trying to name this and still couldn't come up with a name I liked! AHHH just enjoy:

_ “Heh! Did you see that?! A laser-straight line shot!” _

_ “Yeah Tsutomu, it was amazing!” _

_ “You did a great job!” _

He had always loved volleyball. So why does it feel as if this volleyball was ruining his life right now?

_ Come on _

_ Come on _

_ Come on _

**_COME ON-_ **

The ball falls to the court in front of him. His team is surprised the captain even went for it. The wipe was deemed impossible to recover, even by Kai, their libero. Goshiki pounded a fist against the floor as the ‘tweet’ of the referee’s whistle signaled the lost point. And the cheer from the other side of the court officially ended the set. Then the pat on his back to signal the official loss. The score of the final set is 34-36.

_ I’m sorry.  _ He thinks to his seniors. 

Usually there’s someone to cheer him up. Ushijima to hold him and assure him that he tried his best and will do better next time, Tendou’s jokes to brighten the mood while taking him out for boba, Semi taking extra time out to set to Goshiki to make him feel powerful again, Hayato allowing the younger to stay up late and watch movies with him, Kawanishi’s forehead pats and affirmations, Shirabu’s soft kisses to comfort and praise him. But Goshiki is the captain now, Ushijima-senpai has gone pro- a Division 1 league player, Tendou-san is a chocolatier in France, Semi is a musician in a band, Hayato is a Division 2 player, Kawanishi is in college, Reon-san is a Division 3 player , Kenjiro is a med student. All of them are so successful in what they do and Goshiki can’t even lead the great and mighty Shiratorizawa to nationals. 

With all his senpais gone, Goshiki is left alone. Alone to rethink and replay the match in his head over and over as endless torture, to find the tiny mistakes he made that cost a point, a set. If only he ran faster, jumped higher, did an emergency set instead of an underhand pass, if only he did  _ better _ . 

_ “You're only an ace if you make miracles.” _

He said to himself in his first year, Ushijima did just that. But Goshiki, -he pushes his knee pads down to his ankles- Goshki hasn’t given Shiratorizawa a miracle. 

Goshiki cheers Date Tech on as they make it to nationals instead, having defeated Karasuno in the finals. Goshiki’s smile fades the moment he leaves the stands to go back to Shiratorizawa.

“Let’s go guys, we have a practice match against a college team next week, we should practice” He tells the team. They find out the next day that the practice match is cancelled, the coach tells them he received a note from the college team that read ‘Sorry, we are busy’, practically the softer way of saying, ‘we need a team worth our time to play against as practice’. Shiratorizawa loses its status as a powerhouse. They’re still powerful, but they just keep missing the mark.

“Ah so the famous Shiratorizawa Volleyball Club doesn’t make it to nationals  _ again _ , what is this the third year?’

“Yeah the club made it in the interhigh 3 years ago, since then they’ve  _ failed _ ”

“Date Tech managed to secure the nationals spot this year, our school didn’t even make it to the finals.” 

“So much for a  _ powerhouse _ ”

“Did they even try?”

“They must have gotten too full of themselves”

The ace captain held his head high as he walked by, trying his best to ignore the words from some underclassmen and some of his fellow 3rd years. Goshiki has already been thinking these things, he didn’t need to hear them again, he feels his soul sink which each badmouth against his team. He jumps as his name is mentioned. 

“Isn’t Goshiki-san the captain?” Some girl had asked, having noticed the noinette passing by. Goshiki just wanted to shrink. Times like this he wished he was just as small as that orange haired Karasuno middle blocker, instead of being 5’11.5” (181.5 cm) and impossible to miss. The way he stopped to face the girl gave a clear answer. Yeah, he was the captain. 

“Aren't you _ashamed_?” Some other person asked.

“You’re supposed to lead them to nationals.” A disapproving sigh from someone else, “ I shouldn’t be surprised. I guess Ushijima was truly their only hope”.

Goshiki clenches his fists at his sides. 

“Oi! Leave our capt’an alone! “He’s a better leader than you’ll ever be” Shibata’s voice breaks through the tense confrontation. 

“Back off will ya, we did our best”Sague immediately follows up. 

“Yeah I’d like to see you try to play against these teams. You couldn’t do better”Kai had scoffed. 

“Guys, we’re causing a disturbance, “The ace says, his eyes are dull and the three look at him in disbelief. Just two years ago when people badmouthed the club (and their seniors), Goshiki was first to shut them down and yell at them to ‘Shut your trap, my teammates, my seniors, we’re all stronger than you’ll ever be, I’ll prove that to you all!’. But right now- 

“We’re just going to let them say that!?”Kai asks. 

Goshiki sighs in response, “No, but arguing in the hall solves nothing, we just have to practice more. Their opinions mean nothing if they don’t play on court” The ace states, an unreadable expression crossing his face as he walks off. The three cast a final glare at the people trash talking their captain before taking off after him to walk to class. 

It’s like that for a few days, people badmouthing the captain and Shiratorizawa team with radio silence from Goshiki. The captain kept his word, continuing to attend and lead the team through practices. 

The three retired members frowned as they looked inside the gym, only to see Goshiki practicing serves , the ball landing straight on the endline. They were perfect, just like his straights, just like his gameplay, just like his leadership skills. But they all knew Goshiki still took the blame for the loss. And it made their hearts feel light that they don’t have to take the weight of the loss, but heavy at the same time, because that’s their captain.

Sague takes him out to the garden during lunch break. 

Shibata hangs out in the common room with him. 

Kai treats him to his favorite food,

And Goshiki appreciates the efforts, he truly does, but they don’t do much to cheer him up. There’s no denying, Goshiki had a way closer relationship with his previous teammates. Not to say that his teammates now weren’t close, but Kai , Sague and Shibata are retiring from the team and well - that says quite enough about it. Goshiki wasn’t going to retire until his final opportunity to play. 

_ “I’m counting on you,” Ushijima had said after the Karasuno match in Goshiki’s first year.  _

_ Goshiki had burst into tears before he made a promise back to his retiring captain, “I’ll bring the team success! I-I’ll live up to your expectations! I won’t disappoint you!” _

Goshiki frets because he has broken his promise. He hasn’t succeeded, he failed his seniors, he failed his team, he failed Ushijima. He felt it everytime they were defeated, but there was still a candle of hope lit within him, because they always had _one more chance_. That chance is now gone. And all Goshiki could hear echoing in his head is Ushijima’s “Im counting in you”, and his broken promise. Goshiki Tsutomu, the ace and captain of Shiratorizawa Institute, never got his team to fly as high again. Instead it was like the team was stuck in a glide and now just a nosedive plummeting down, and there was nothing Goshiki could- 

**_Snap!_ **

He finds himself with a broken pencil in hand, heart pounding in his chest. He always tended to zone out and isolate when he was feeling down. This was one of those times. This whole week had been one big mess, and Goshiki slowly closing up. He hadn't even realized he missed 5 calls from Kai. He puts his head in his hands as he stares at the broken pencil that laid on his desk. 

So when he gets a call from the mentioned ace no more than one hour later, he holds his breath as he answers the phone.

“Ushijima-senpai” 

“You did well”

“E-excuse me?”

“Let’s go out for dinner”

“What-”

“As a congratulatory meal with everyone”

“W-why?”Goshiki asks in disbelief before quickly adjusting, “I mean- I didn’t win anything. We lost.” 

“You did a good job Tsutomu” 

Goshiki is left stunned and confused as the call continues and he’s left with a weekend reminder on his calendar to meet with his seniors. 

So when those few uneventful days do pass and he’s face to face with his former teammates , well, the ones who could make it, he starts spewing apologies, another habit of his. 

“I’m sorry senpai!”

“You have nothing to be-”

“I know I could have done better! I should have-”

“Tsutomu”

The captain pauses at that.

“Stop apologizing” The Adlers player says before he continues on, “You did the best you could.”

“But I couldn’t bring them to nationals! I promised to live up to your expectations, but all I’ve done is failed and brought shame upon Shiratorizawa Institute’s name” The frantic captain insists, he’s about to continue on about how he was a disappointment to the team but he’s stopped once more when two strong hands are placed on his shoulders. 

“Tsutomu, all I wanted was for you to give it your all in every game. You’ve disappointed no one.”the elder assures. 

“But- I could have”

“There are a billion things anyone could have done, but we’re here now.” Ushijima says patting the male’s shoulder before pulling him in for a hug. It’s just as sweet and heartfelt as it’s always been,“It’s okay, we’re all proud of you”.

Everyone in the room agrees with Ushijima. And it makes Goshiki want to cry again, this time out of perhaps happiness , or relief. 

The atmosphere shifts and the group talks about the past few months, talks about their achievements, what they've missed. And Tendou even joins the group via a facetime call. 

_ “Aww miracle boy Tsutomu! Haven’t seen you in a while!” _

“I missed you Tendou-senpai!”

_ “See I told you guys I’m his favorite!” _

Semi raises a sceptic brow, “Sure.” 

“ _ Okay _ ...but did you see my super laser-straight line shot?”Goshiki asks after a beat. It was only with the comfort of his seniors that he remembered how much he enjoyed volleyball. Finally able to focus on the good things that happened in the failed game. 

“Of course,”Ushijima answers,”It was amazing, fit for a Division 1 league player” he compliments, and even if Ushijima did have a soft spot for his team, he wouldn’t lie about that. Goshiki had majorly improved since his first year. His straights were even more laser edged and his cross shots were tightening up. His skill could perhaps rival some professionals already. 

“God yes! I can’t wait to see you on the same courts as us again.”Hayato says, “You’re going to join a league right?”

“Yes! I’ve been scouted by a few teams, but I think I may go to college instead of joining professional teams right away” Goshiki ponders aloud, the topic briefly managed to slip from his mind after their loss, but now he was excited about graduating again. 

“Planning on going to the same college as Kenjiro?”Semi asks, teasing smirk playing at his lips as the captain’s face heats up slightly. 

“Maybe”He mumbles under his breath eliciting a laugh from the former setter. 

_ “Wherever you are, you’ll make us proud!”  _ Tendou shouted through the phone.    
“You know we can hear you just fine without you shouting” Semi scoffed at the chocolatier. 

“Ah, but tone of voice makes everything more exciting! You should know this Mr. Musician” The redhead teases. 

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll fly over to France and shut you up myself!” The ash blond threatens as his face heats lightly. 

Goshiki laughs, and in the comfort of his friends, he feels he’s free. The pressure rolls off his shoulders in waves and he’s ready to fly again. And he does. When he makes his debut as a V. League Division 1 player , he knows his friends are watching with pride.  _ Look at me go.  _

_ “That’s our kohai!”  _

_ “Damn that serve is deadly!” _

_ “Right?! I hope I’ll be able to pick it up when we play!” _

_ “Oh my god his straight, what the hell, we used to play with that monster!” _

_ “That’s Tsutomu for ya, always pushing and surprising us” _

The graduates of Shiratorizawa couldn’t be prouder. 

**Author's Note:**

> Another peice for my coping mech series. I just hc that Goshiki apologizes too much, overthink, and starts to unsocialize when he's stressed out. Also- @_mintee (on instagram)'s   
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CExuYK0gplR/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link and https://www.instagram.com/p/CCYVbvGgIlc/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link were inspirations for this story in some way. Please- these broke my heart! 
> 
> Anyways! Gah- Feel free to comment and/or leave Kudos!


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